Jester's blues & bulls

LOL

2010-03-28T03:52:00.003+08:00

心的距離

2009-11-18T00:04:00.002+08:00

Distance

2009-11-09T23:02:00.013+08:00

it's 3.33am. with a final impatient roll, he opened his eyes the last time for the night. the original plan of forcing himself to sleep and waking up to desolation was not going to work. his idea of a last resort to sleep did cross his mind, but wanking with this level of heartache would require an unusually high level of dementedness and concentration. the latter would be impossible, his brain is on fire.

so like most people do in these situations, he grabbed his towel and turned on the shower heater. with the water running down his face, the choices suddenly became clear. to go or not to go. it was not until one hour later when he finally surrendered. he got dressed and ran down the flights of stairs with such exhilaration he wouldn't know if he broke his ankle. in the stillness of the night road he outstretched his arm to a distant blue light. god must be a cab driver.

'uncle changi airport. 驾快一点，求求你。'

god was a woman too in this case. he didn't noticed it until he paid the fare. visibly flustered, his mind was replaying different countless scenarios to which none will come into play. he wanted the cab to go faster, the flight was in 27 minutes. he wished the cab would go slower, he needed to conjure a perfect plan to this wretched situation of his own. what to say? what to do? will anyone else be there? why am i even on this cab?? the mindfucks went on for another 14 minutes.

the airport. dead poets might have wrote better poems if they lived on to be inspired by it. a place where emotions are displayed in polarity; Arrival and Departure.
mentally and physically exhausted, he stood in the middle of the departure hall with a look of bewilderment, straight out from a movie scene. it didn't take too long for him to recognise the graceful silhouette from a distance. she was that special.

everything he thought of saying or doing, all the mental solutions he had, they were gone. with locked knees he found himself walking behind the pillar. he was not ready. standing upright against the cold wall, he felt he was about to have a panic attack. he was deaf to the announcement on the PA to check-in, until he saw people started waving goodbyes to their loved ones. it was then he felt the only words that mattered to him, his brain screaming the truth as if it was from another person. 'i can't let you go.'

now or never.

he turned and walked towards her. every cautious step became more determined, more convicted. he tried calling out her name, his throat was too dry. he hesitated for a second, swallowed, and called out again. he stood there rooted as she turned her head, her short hair flopping sideways to reveal her beautiful face. he couldn't hold his tension any longer. he walked straight to her, wanting to collapse in her embrace, needing to tell her how badly he needs her. what greeted him when she was finally aware of his presence, stopped him entirely in his tracks, and took the breath out of his lungs. he knew it was over.
she smiled. a kind, cheery, radiant, toothy smile. the beautiful smile that he fell in love with, was now the very smile that brought the world down on him. he didn't move, he didn't know where to look, he still couldn't breathe.

she walked up and inspected his lifeless widened-eyed face, still smiling.
'hey! glad u could come. would have bet you'll be sleeping.'
a final announcement hurried the remaining few passengers.
'gosh i gotta run. call u when i'm over there ya?'
she dropped her luggage and tiptoed to wrap her arms over his shoulders. he tried lifting both his shivering arms to return her courtesy, but by then all he saw was her back view, joining her que, and leaving for good.

he turned and started to take small, heavy steps. he found an empty cubicle in the toilet. with the door locked and the seat lowered, he could finally breathe.

EH UNCLE! PLEASE? I NEED TO SHIT!

2009-07-08T02:01:00.006+08:00

fucking world. why the fuck should a man pay 10c to take a piss. to pay the cleaners who don't fucking clean the toilets. it only makes matters worse. for vengeful people like me, urgent with a full bladder and finally finding a toilet after climbing stairs, stopped by a nose picking aunty smelling shit all day, making a detour to buy a random product to squeeze a 10c change, only to find the fucking urinals drowned in pee, the cubicles scattered and splashed with all shades of brown and red, and no soap. imagine a deranged and now enraged man with ammo. yep. i found the biegiest and pinkest loo and unloaded 514ml of yellow with my supersoaker all over the fucking floor. orgasmic high.

ever gotten interrupted during your meal by a tissue seller? especially those pushy ones that just looks on at you after you say no. they are usually disabled in some form and i'm not making fun of their disability, and i have no qualms over their occupation. to me it's simple. they are selling sympathy, and people who buy are getting empowerment. buying from them doesn't give u good karma or make u a better person, all u gain are the overpriced tissues. yea ok i'm just building up to a hypothetical question. here goes.

i lost my wallet during lunch hour, and i scrambled around the hawker center looking all over for it. my anxiety, movement, and sweat made the inevitable happen. it had awakened the big brown monster, and 16 smaller ones in descending order. deep shit is in me. everyone knows the feeling. suddenly your face turns white, u start salivating in your mouth, and u cant walk properly cause the slimy feeling builds up with every step u take. i am taking a huge battle to the toilet, but a war this big, savage and hopefully not bloody would require bandages, 2 packets of it. it was then i saw my savior jesus in the form of a blind crippled man. but i lost my wallet and could only find a 20c coin in my pocket. so like how they themselves draw and gain sympathy from others, i did on them.
'eh uncle 20c for 2 packets can? save me it's really coming out!'

can they show sympathy to someone less fortunate than them in that instant?
do people like you think it's morally wrong to haggle with a disabled person over a product they sell?
am i full of shit?

月球上的人

2009-07-08T01:40:00.002+08:00

having a relationship with eason's music is truly a fulfilling journey. it is consistently good, sprinkled with pleasant surprises along the way, and u know he doesn't do half fucks leaving u unsatisfied. he gives it to u good and leaves u begging for more. i've done my fair share too, introducing his music to everyone i know and singing it to everyone i don't. sweet sweet love.

my 1st caucasian

2009-07-07T00:02:00.002+08:00

it's been a while since i've done this. usually i do it 2-3 times a year. men engage this service for many reasons, most do it for self confidence, some liking the process itself, others like myself simply coudn't take it anymore. blame the weather.
i popped my head into the room expecting the usual asian woman, and to my complete utter surprise it was a blonde caucasian with heavy make up. ask any man, and he would say the first thing he's worried about is the price tag. she immediately made me feel comfortable and made me sit down. she started to fiddle her fingers around the area and squeezed.
'Wow. It's long and thick! So how would u like it? Behind? Sideways?'
'As u please. Just do a good job.'
so half an hour later with her giant boobs hanging over my face, the job is done. i washed up and looked at myself in the mirror. i regretted it like i always do. i paid up and walked away.
i can never get a decent haircut, but at least its cooler now.

不见不散

2009-07-03T20:55:00.006+08:00

bridesmaids from hell.

eternal damnation of love and care

2009-05-31T05:26:00.002+08:00

沙龍 what a song.

a big congratulations to my buddy junjie for tying the knot with natasha last night. i am incredibly honored to be his brother/emcee on his big day. a 10 year courtship came to a fairy tale ending.

very unfortunately, the bridesmaids hate lorries. cause apparantly their faces got smashed by them. as if that wasn't enough to make our faces cringe, their 1st challenge was to eat wasabi. >_<
im not being wicked. one of them is huge, her upper arm fats COVERED her elbows. i swear. and when we had lunch buffet at the bride's house, i observed she had the decency not to cover her entire plate, but when she ate, oh when she ate, she was chewing at super human speed! its like, when people eat they go chomp, chomp, chomp, gulp. she went ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. i gulped.
and the most decent bridesmaid there reminded me of bert from sesame street.
love at first sight did not happen at the event of love. sigh.

later on we went to HortPark to take photos, it was a lovely serene and green place. i am a fish feeding fetishist. so i turned the egg machine and took my ball of fish food to the koi pond. small, colourful, harmless schools of kois greeted me. so i began to play god and sprinkled their joy in every direction, watching them swim and chanting 'huat ah!' to myself. suddenly, from beneath the schools, a giant catfish sprang up from the water for the food and i swore it swallowed an innocent koi. i jumped and the fish food scattered on floor.

wedding pictures up soon.

as god made us

2009-04-21T15:15:00.004+08:00

after over a decade of speculation and debate, my guess is as good as mine. chee your head confirm bigger.

music for my soulless

2009-04-05T05:55:00.004+08:00

this band writes the most beautiful lyrics ever. period.
p.s they are not anti christ nor am i.

陳奕迅-他一個人

2009-04-03T06:34:00.001+08:00

another gem unearthed! monogamy feels good.

pastry puke

2009-02-15T21:00:00.007+08:00

sigh... this is feeling to me like getting out of bed. another forever 5 minutes. but a birthday celebration seems worth the while. a very big thank you to everyone who made it happen.
baika, kangwei, gb, chee and tiffany, taiping, kianteck, dedric, the bears, william, steven, junjie, eddy, roger, ahlong
i felt love but would rather it in a physical form. wait... that didn't come off right... hahaha. more presents and babe sex actually.

i hate barfing when there's a cake. but tell that to those guys. Qiao Feng would fear them as beggarsect disciples.

some tequila and some muay thai? suck dick lar lamer.

oh yes thank you all for the presents! 5 martells, 3 tee shirts, 1 steamboat, 1 birthday cake, 1 emperor penguin! and to every birthday sms i received! love love max!

merry 2008

2008-12-31T05:32:00.003+08:00

hi dear avid readers! hope you had a wonderful xmas and a very prosperous 2009.

HUAT HUAT HUAT!

huat ah!

2008-12-01T07:19:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
MMMMmmm Mrs Bear

may little bears come soon! hahaha

reminiscence

2008-11-25T11:45:00.002+08:00

it just hit me that things will never be the same. as cliche as it sounds, that's life. thinking back however, i did make the best and squeezed every drop of fun out from you guys. i had the time of my life. loves, and may different cups cheers.

dub thou forgiven

2008-11-16T07:44:00.003+08:00

hello my dear avid readers! so sorry haven't been blogging in a while. it might not look so but i spend hours pondering what to blog and how to write my point across. ok not an excuse, but i have something better. to the impatient and angry, here's a warm fuzzy pic to melt the iceberg and soften the hardnipple.

see? cute people are easily forgiven.

my new pet

2008-10-28T03:46:00.008+08:00

with regards to my last post, how come girls take kissing pictures and they are cute, and when guys do the same its like 'ehknnuseethose2gaykiasimilanjiao'? hmm.. sexual equality not with even weights on either side but shifting the pivot. a great topic to blog on soon.

my friend's dog immaculately conceived and gave birth to a cute, healthy puppy today. i fell in love with it at first sight and after reassurances of maximum love, they decided to put the puppy in my care. i held it in my arms and looked into his eyes and it sparkled with such affection and purity, i could not think of another name to christen him but jesus.

hold yer horses ol'mighty one don't smite me just yet! hahaha, im kidding. about the smiting. but really, my life long encounters with pious christians has left me curious, perplexed, angered, and cognitive in that order. as you would have guessed, yes im a free thinker, and a bloody good one at that. what the world would be if a dog had died on the cross. *puts on flak jacket and jumps in trench* i mean come on, dogs do perform miracle healings and some brave ones have died for the sins of man. (chivalrous dog died in bank robbery shootout) ok that's a stretch.

what im trying to get at is that man should really love and appreciate things and people around them rather than believing in faith and prayers. why a christian pray and thank god for his food instead of the chef has always baffled me. even in one's most desperate times, shouldn't one talk to another friend or family instead of communing with his inner voice in a church? shouldn't u believe in your close ones more than gods?

race and religion have always been the greatest dividers of man. and now as a great man is transcending race (GO OBAMA!), a notsogreat blogger is... blogging. religious divisions are really unlike any other. an Arsenal fan with a manure fan watching a liverfool match will agree that gayboi torres scored a great goal. though both are die hard fans for their own clubs, they see good football as a common good. but religious groups ostracize one another to the point of condemnation. one in particular often more than the others.

choose hope over fear, and unity over division

in my opinion, christianity sells because it's teachings are in english, it is modern and hip, and it uses the word hell more than heaven. they know so much about hell, and so little about heaven. well except for the fact they will live in eternal happiness with their lord. i don't know about them, but isn't living with someone who is all knowing and all powerful a torment? it's like you won't have the power to change anything anymore. you cannot think or do otherwise. you are just this floating white cloth with a smiley. something like a president having retarded kids.

well i'll just stop here before i risk losing more readers. and if you want to flame me, dont. cause you believe im gonna burn already, and im not alone. cause... you may say im a dreamer but im not the only one! haha.

Straight like an arrow (made of rubber)

2008-10-27T19:28:00.008+08:00

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS EXPLICIT IMAGES AND ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN OR BABES.

an observer commented to me that me and my buddy, GB, dont appear that close anymore.
a picture apparently says 1000 words.

did an army of 8000 alphabets G-A-Y just invaded ur mind? hahaha. yes we are so sexually crooked i cant even align the pictures straight.

actually after searching my conscience finally for 10 years, i figured im actually hurting his chances of getting a girlfriend by forcing my gay tendencies on him. so to the observer who noticed we're not that close anymore, we just carried our gay jokes/acts too far, and im trying to regress. holding but no squeezing, hugs but no kisses, petting but no penetration. hahaha and hopefully one day he'll finally be attached. and i'll probably remove this post. =(

打回原形

2008-10-21T19:15:00.001+08:00

情人如若很好奇
要有被我吓怕的准备
试问谁可
洁白无比

Love and spanking

2008-10-19T22:59:00.006+08:00

everyday in life we are faced with decisions. from minor ones deciding what to eat, to life changing ones like what to drink.. well, it changed my life anyway.
i may sound like a sexist here, but i can boldly say decisions makes a man more than it makes a woman. before i further decrease my chances of getting laid, i would like to explain that my declaration is based solely on the fact that women generally tend to leave majority of the minor decisions to men in a relationship.
the innate ability to see a box within a box within a box, coupled with their inquisitive nature to unturn every pebble on the beach, gives them many options in a single situation. however, the lack of judgement and willpower can sometimes work against their rational, leaving them too confused with the information they gathered. something like trying to chop a tree down, only to stop at the final swing fearing the fallen tree may anger bees to attack her, before handing her man the axe. or not making up her mind what to eat in a foodcourt, only to grumble later what he bought for her. or slowing down at a junction when the light is green. get my drift please.

walking away isn't easy, but it's easy to do.

god damn october cupids. breakup rates around me are high and though i still feel indifferent to girls and relationships, lending a shoulder and dishing out cynicism has reminded me of a certain someone. someone i cared for and wanted to protect. someone who made me sleep with my handphone under my pillow. someone who made me smile every time i see her. in the end i made my choice of walking away. for a simple reason that i couldn't be in control. i hate people who set sail on relationship boats and trust the winds of "love". i was beginning to hate myself.

oh man the mood now is increasingly morbid and i must have dragged 5 fags for this post. i'll just stop by saying i've made the right choice. both of drinking and walking.

free spirited, random, weird, alternative, doctor PLS, cute

2008-10-14T02:38:00.008+08:00

oh and gay too. these are adjectives my close ones use to describe me. ok, im cute because i feel im close to myself. ^^v

but i never did ask for opinions until recently cause i've always felt self assured. it's not that i do not have my insecurities or i dislike being affected by people. in fact i yearn to be affected. i feel im right in the centre hue of grey.

my dear cute sister told me recently it's HDB regulations to have 25% non chinese residents inhibiting one HDB block. thank you fairy god sister for your enlightenment i am now working extra hours everyday to strive for a condo. not being a racist here, but i've had it with malay neighbours. other than the fact they are often found guilty for peeing in lifts, because theystayatlowerlevelsanddontusetheliftsanyway,
my friendly, pet loving, malay neighbour who lives right below me is feeding a stray cat at the staircase for the past month. doesn't sound so bad right? unless the freaking cat SHAT at your doorsteps 4 times, makes catfuck sounds at night giving me bad dreams with babies dying in them, (ok not true) BUT THIS IS TRUE-- the freaking cat jumped into my house several times through the windows!! when confronted, the malay couple denied feeding the cat. and even responded offensively when my mom threatened them with town council. in that instant, the stormy clouds cleared in my mind, making way for the apocalypse of comets. even if they were fined, or the cat is microwaved, it doesn't matter. in case they didn't know, im an animal lover too. im gonna feed a stray pig. dont bring me to court. i just love pigs like they love cats.

erm. i usually dig my left nostril with my right index finger, and i transfer the delicacy (hi kt!) over to my left middle finger before it finally settles in a tissue. it's not vice versa for the right nostril, it's even weirder. =8)

due to my absolute disregard for 2nd opinions and embracing my twisted idealogies, i tend to see more paths than people when faced with a situation. mostly mental paths either deemed too nonsensical and impossible, or paths too scary for others to construe or too intricate even for me to attempt walking. which ever the case, i have always voiced my thinkings and this guy once said to me, 'you're not in ctrl of yourself, you are alt.'

i've always felt it'll be fun to talk to a psychiatrist. get an official diagnosis of what is deemed wrong emotionally and mentally. changing a psychiatrist's textbook teachings is something i have always wanted to do.

OMG CUTE PEOPLE DO CUTE STUFF. like watching 王子變青蛙 again! it's been so long since my emotions are evoked to a high level. it's like the bestest idol drama i've seen. of out 3. =/ and... i do other cute stuff like doing a ^^v when taking a picture. ok nvm. im just cute.

there is not another...

2008-10-12T04:33:00.002+08:00

a song reminding me of someone i miss so much.

someone pretty, intelligent, caring, and works in the noblest of professions. =)

How I Love The Bears

2008-10-12T02:55:00.002+08:00

i love them by not meeting them so often lately.
i love them by not asking them for a meal when i had the chance.
i love them by calling them only to burrow their PSP.
i love them by promising them POPEYE 3 months ago.

OMG... super lousy pngyoh rite? =(

Sex with a reptile

2008-10-07T21:41:00.002+08:00

'eh blog leh.'
that was all it took for me and my only friend on the far right to start blogging again. didnt want to create a new account for 1, i took great pride naming it! 2, i thought it was troublesome, until i had to battle google registration and re-enter the italic passwords again and again.
and what greeted me was empty links and spam comments.
but it was worth every bit of effort.

ok on for my 1st post in 2 years. sex with a reptile.
i did not do a steve irwin.
i did not screw janice. but would want to.

i was taking a poop.
no a giant anaconda didnt swim through the pipes and rammed straight into me.
i was taking a poop.
i heard buzzing and.... ok im coming out of the closet, im absolutely terrified of creepy crawlies. so in a hurry, i wipe and wear. instantly i felt something wizzing around the empty area of the underwear. at that moment, i cringed my butt cheeks so hard the centre of gravity was elavating and i was gonna fall over. i tore my pants down and this small harmless lizard crept out of my undies and scrammed away. astonishing. well i guess im lucky cause i didnt have to go for a 2nd round and shit that bastard out.

so yea my first post in 2 years. not a very good opener i think. but expect nothing less from a jester. =/

Leaving on a jetplane

2006-02-14T03:02:00.000+08:00

first of all, i hope my friend had a safe journey to Australia. though he steadfastly refused to put his 1.5TB CPU and 27" plasma TV in my care, i still wish him the very best in his studies. sigh.. i can only say the times ahead are never gonna be the same without him. and if you are reading this KW, the collection you left me totally SUCK. what can i say bro, you left me heartbrokened and flaccided.

and now to wish my readers a very Happy Valentine's Day.
Be it a candlelight dinner in a fancy restaurent, a nice slow walk by the beach, lazing and snuggling at home, or even having a drug party/orgy in a hotel. i believe it's the company that makes everything right. and now the endless streaming of Tao Ze's ballads is really shovelling my mind, resurfacing tales from graves i chose to bury. i do believe in karma and retribution, which probably explains why i am waking up alone the next morning and the mornings to come. so taking a chance upon this blog and vday, i would like to say sorry to the people who know who they are. though i know it is completely meaningless now, but i feel better already.

i apologise to my readers(if any) for my lack of posts. no particular reason or excuse, just that these months i'm dazed and uninspired. more updates coming definitely.

beyond no more.

2005-10-16T04:06:00.000+08:00

first of all let me thank mr CareBear for giving me the opportunity to witness Beyond live for the first, and last time in my life. well the trio finally decided to go solo after producing nearly a decade of erm, well, forgettable music. 'differences in music' was their blame, and very hopefully, their cause. but i guess nobody can string lyrics and imbue them in unchained melodies like Ka Kui, the departed and dearly missed.

but when Paul urged the audience after the first song not to call for an encore, the robust crowd went silent. the finale for singaporean fans, one night only. no encore, just good music and a clean finish. and good music it was. i swear Steve sounds much better here then when he performed in HK. sweat they gave, and tears we wept. the passion in the stadium was not infectious, for all was long infected. they include children from the age of four to elderly forties. and like Ka Kui said in a taped dialogue segment, music bonds. it was as though he was speaking from his grave. truly heart-felt. think i'll stop here, recollection can be kinda tear-jerking.

it was a special night, with special people. and somehow now, i believe the word special is closely related to the word 'once'. sweetest dreams jester. and yea, yat hei gou fu rock'n roll!

blue no more!

2005-10-13T23:51:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna paint my room tomorrow.
a friend told me the colour of a room will mould a person's mood over time.
and another told me the colour blue breeds depession.
i was like 'omfg that's why!'

and here's why.

painted pictures up soon!

and the truth is..

2005-07-26T23:48:00.000+08:00

what's my painful pleasure?

not sex.

not diarrhoea. not picking my nose till it bleeds. and nope, not sticking a thumb into the erogenous zone when i wank.

'you are so beautiful, it hurts.' Pearl Habour

my pack of lies

2005-07-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

finally, after decaying decades
i now lie on my bed, my vision slowly fades
the glass of my windows turning opague
everything around me
transmuting to darker shades

nope, i'm not feeling suicidal. just my usual bout of depression. i think i've lost my biggest motivation, and my ultimate distraction. which explains my absence from home, work, outings, and here. but i guess it's finally enough. i knew from the start i had no counter on this board, let alone the chance to roll a good number. so yep it's just all along the stubborn me, unwilling to play other games.

so i decided from today i should just work my ass off, go for my holiday, and yes show china bitches my sleeping dragon. =D

catch me

2005-06-18T21:39:00.000+08:00

hi dudes and hopefully dudettes, i'm home!

yes finally home. i can rest my body for the night now. the week in camp was bad. spending entire days at padang for NDP preparations. the unforgiving weather consumed joules of energy. the deprivation of sleep crumbled vestiges of sanity. this might just go on till the day i ORD.. but hey, i never expected a happy ending in a sad story anyway. this whole NDP is bullshit is start with anyway. our patriotic singaporeans are there for the goodie bags and fireworks. for me, a headshot assasination would spell rejoice.

played with my new toy abit. faces of modern slaves!!

oh man.. Ms ORD, i can't feel you. = /

special dedications

2005-06-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

oh man these few days are long.. less sleep, more work.
the income is fine i suppose, enough for my daily activities. and hurray~ finally gonna change my handphone tomorrow. actually i was thinking if i could get myself a girlfriend, i would buy a pair of 3G phones for us the next valentine's day. but it's never gonna happen.. cause i'm still suffering from my infatual insistence, happily. \(^. ^)/

nearly everyone close to me is having quite a rough patch in their lifes now. accumulated angers, emotional sensivity, physical manipulations, and worst of all, national slavery. i know everything will turn out just fine, so hang in there my dearests.

especially gay-minded Recruit Chua, i pray for his safety. he's a weak-minded follower and could get into all sorts of troubles with authorities. hoping to see him this 18th, he's a best friend in a very different way. hiakhiakz.

and to future Sergeant Low, this one way path will not be smooth sailing, do your very best my bro. if your ship slows, we will break wind just for you. whatever happens, we are here. and you know your cargo's full of our best wishes and blessings already.

FF7 themes (piano) http://ff7ac.net/?s=pages/music

the army

2005-06-03T23:26:00.000+08:00

how time flies, it feels like yesterday when i was enlisted.
and now in 3 months time, i will truly savour the SAF motto
- Serve And Fuckoff

leader, soldier, brother.
respecting command, commanding respect.
we never mistake peacefulness for peace.
the mud on my face is soil, our soil.

all of the above, to me, is the purest form of bullshit. i can't stress enough how much i hate the army. with all the credit dear mr leep did for our motherland, he should really be impaled from the ass up for creating this goddamn place.

burn in hell you old geezer
your son aint no better
sure, he made us 5 day workers
but he raises cigarette prices
just because he suffered from cancer
get a relapse, join your father
and may us be freed from the leep's era

the people below are some who feels the same too. they made my army life much bearable that way, and in some ways, fun too. cheers to ORD, and good luck to everyone. =)

like a kid with a new toy

2005-05-31T13:43:00.000+08:00

can't believe it took me nearly a decade of using the internet to finally know how to upload pictures.
don't have a habit of carrying a camera around and my pauper friends do not believe in camera phones.
this photograph was taken on my 21st birthday, before my face was creamed.

every guy in this picture is single, but availabilty varies. =)

nature of the beast

2005-05-30T23:17:00.000+08:00

new blood arrives, hopes are revived
swiftly he climbs the learning ropes
making masters look like flops
with schedules amended,
celebration commended...

the place is packed
people like cards in a deck
however, the jacks are here for the queens
some wanting to bring them back
others just needed them to lick it clean

he lit a cigarette
knowing himself, he felt regret
this game of poke-her(poker) was not for him
he is not, in any ways, a prophet
maybe he just didn't like filthy hyms

the queen of spades casted a glance
inquisitive, decisive, she made her advance
he did not deter, it did not matter
soon her body was all over
but he kept his hands together
thinking of the past which haunted him like a reaper

the lights are dimming, the guys are steaming
the gate is unhinged, the beasts are unleashed
fruits are ripe, ready for the relish
of men burying their pipes to the finish
he left and went home
alone on his bed, these words formed

what i want is to have and to hold
emptiness in me is the ending
everytime i fuck and go

of sky and pastures

2005-05-28T17:42:00.000+08:00

was on the phone with a close friend, did some emo talk since it's late at night.

i'm sitting under a tree, basking in the warmth of the clear blue sky, and admiring the sceneric evergreen pastures. i'll feel at ease and contented, not wanting anything more. so if i'm actually sitting under an apple tree, i wouldn't know. so i'll die there not knowing what an apple is and how it tastes like. but if an apple drops, and if i take a bite at it, i might like it. and if i do, i'll probably think that apples only drop and cannot be plucked. and if i do not like the taste of it, i'll just throw it away and think apples cannot be eaten.

but my friend is quite different. in the same circumstances, instead of feeling relaxed under the tree, she'll look around for something, instead of waiting for that something to happen. so if she sees the apples above her, she'll try to reach them, wanting to know what an apple taste like.

so yeah.. i guess i'm the kind of person that lives to die. and i really appreciate who i am.

first words

2005-05-27T00:22:00.000+08:00

last night while flipping through my work file, i decided to pen my thoughts and emotions on a piece of paper. then it suddenly dawned on me i haven't done constructive writing in 6 years. it was then i truly felt like a school dropout, which i actually am.

so now i'm finally here to blog. reason being only one, just to 'write'. i guess most of my posts will not be based on my daily life, since i don't have much of one anyway. so i'll just write my crappy views and perceptions of any and everything. look forward to it.